When your life is turned upside down and you are just trying to survive each day trying to navigate the legal system is a daunting prospect. Hiring a lawyer, if you can afford one, seems like it will make things easier so you can focus on yourself and your kids. But they can actually make things more difficult and complicated and add stress to an already untenable situation.
Most family matters in BC are dealt with in the Provincial Court System which has recently updated its policies and is not well understood by family lawyers. You will inevitably have a million questions and every time you want an answer you’re looking at hundreds of dollars in a consultation with a lawyer. Hiring one means giving a few thousand dollar minimum retainer, while they charge you for every second of their time. It adds up very quickly. The good news is you can actually handle court and it’s forms yourself. It can be done for the most part online and help is readily available if you take a trip to your local courthouse. It will take some time and effort on your part but it will save you a ton of money and let you feel more in control of your plight.
Separation Agreements
One of the very first things you should do when separating is get a “separation agreement” put in place. Actually getting divorced will usually take more than a year so you will need a document in the meantime laying out parenting time, child support etc… You can get a Separation Agreement drawn up through a lawyer but British Columbians can use the free “Family Justice Counsellor” service to mediate and complete the separation agreement for you. While FJC’s do not have the power to make decisions they can mediate solutions to your individual situations with your and your ex’s cooperation. Often even uncooperative people want to ease their stress so they will agree to most of the mediation. Once you have an FJC assigned they can mediate with both of you on the phone at the same time or via “shuttle” where they will talk to you and your ex separately and shuttle the info back and forth. Shuttling is very helpful to avoid the emotion of hearing the other person when surely much of what they say will sound unfair. Everything is confidential and they can not disclose anything you say in private to your ex. When you are in agreement the FJC will complete the documents and have it stamped by the court making it official. It can be changed later again with cooperation from your ex through your FJC or otherwise by applying to provincial court. FJC’s can not deal with property division but are a great resource to protect you and your children with documentation regarding the most important aspect of separation which is the children, in every case.
Provincial Court Forms
Provincial Court Forms: there are many provincial court forms regarding family law and it can seem daunting and confusing to figure out which one to even use to apply for and order. An order is a decision made by a judge regarding a particular aspect of your family situation such as parenting time, scheduling, child support, spousal support, as well as unforeseen things that come up like travel with your children or protection orders when protection from violence is required. The forms themselves are fairly straightforward once you know which one to use. They will all need to be serves on the other party and most can be served by email at least 7 days prior to the court date set after your application to court. The other party will have a chance to reply in writing to the court so the judge has an idea where you both stand going into your court date. Depending on the type of application you’ve made your hearing may be private or in open court in which case you’ll wait and listen to many other people’s cases before the judge gets to your case. I believe in open court you will have 30 minutes or less with the judge. This is also often the case with many private court situations. Some matters will be given more time such as a parent proposing to move residence with the children.
Parenting Time
50/50 Parenting Time: luckily times have changed and as our society has progressed we have realized that the children involved in divorce are by far and away the most important factor and their needs are put first by the court. While in the past often the mother automatically got “custody” of the children this is not the case anymore in BC. Studies have shown that children need both their parents and “parenting time” reflects this as long as circumstances allow. Parenting time is what we used to call custody. As long as parenting time is in the 60/40 range, meaning the children are with each parent at least 40% of the time it is considered 50/50 parenting time. Before the court will hear any of your applications both parties (you and your ex) will be required to do the “Parenting After Separation” course that can be completed online on the province of BC website.
Parenting Coordinators
If you are separating from a narcissist or a very selfish, difficult person it can be a nightmare to coparent with them. They will always make choices and decisions based on what benefits themselves no matter how unfair it may be or how it negatively effects the children involved. Often one or both parents create conflict and the kids are stuck in the middle. A “parenting coordinator” can be agreed upon by both parties or applied for by one party to be appointed by court order. A parenting coordinator is either a lawyer, counsellor or both who specializes in making decisions that are in the children of separated parents’ best interest. Once appointed ( usually for a minimum of 18 months) they act as somewhat of a personal judge for your situation. They have the power to make decisions that are binding and final just as a judge would. They can be costly as they charge lawyer/counsellor fees for their time, but if you are trying to coparent with a narcissist or a high conflict person it can be a wise path to choose. A parenting coordinator can ease or eliminate the anxiety of dealing with the other parent as well as the constant conflict because of one parent is being unreasonable the other can contact the PC with the info and the PC can make a decision on how to proceed. Whenever you ask the PC for assistance they will begin charging for their time. Both parents usually will be charged 50% of this cost and can be a built in deterrent for causing conflict in the first place. Judges are reluctant to appoint Parenting Coordinators unless both parties make above average salaries because it has the potential to be expensive. For people in certain circumstances PC may be a godsend. If you are interested in appointing a PC to you family check out the “Parenting Coordinator Roster Society” at: https://www.bcparentingcoordinators.com/ Once on the site you can browse members and email potential candidates to ask questions or set up a consultation.
Advice for Divorcing British Columbians 